4. It Is Going To Be New Age, So Brace Yourself

Monday, 22 of August, 2016

Theres has been a burst of spontaneous healing this week. Blocks and fear have been coming to the surface in a way that I CAN express, and then release. It has been fascinating to watch, within myself, and as the layers have peeled away, it is then that I realized, “Wow, I have been heavy and buried”

I keep recognizing the changes in my patterns. The new programing. It is the simple things really, knowing that I no longer react to a tone of voice or complaint, or a phrase, or a sentence, that would have once frazzled me. It is not to say I am immune but I seem to have a new set of coping mechanisms. I seems to have re-wired my own brain and written new living code around my genes.

It warrants saying also that at no point recently have I really felt unwell or depressed, it was just that there was always a sense that I could rise and expand to be more potent and fortified. There are many levels at which we can exist and still appear and be healthy and happy, and I think by knowing this it opens up the truth that there is a higher state of being, and once I knew that. I wanted to explore how to get there. Things bog us down, without us really even knowing it. Then you come into adulthood, midlife and you wonder, is this it? Is this my ultimate state of being? As I said, I was not unhappy or sick, but there was something telling me I was not my ultimate. So I started peeling the layers back removing whatever it was that was bogging me down, making me feel heavy. And it was healing.

I am often and always looking up the origins of words and most fascinating to me is that the etymology of the word heal, is whole. To heal, means to feel and be whole. So I suppose, from now on, when I say something was or is healing, what this means is that it helped me become whole. It stopped the fragmentation, it made me feel like an orb of light. Stars are just pieces of the sun.

It is a long story to why I now feel lighter, but the simple explanation is because I wanted to. I have been looking and searching for my way into a greater existence and I know everyone knows it is happening for myself, and others simultaneously. We ALL want to get there. There is no fixed golden doorway, but at the same time, yes, it is always there and available to walk through any time.

I remember once while having a Cranial Sacral session the image of the golden door was so very strong. Cranial Sacral therapy works so very well for me – but of course all therapy has to do with how the energy of people come together. My neighbor was the therapist, and one day after I got into a huff with her, over her being too busy to stick to the arrangement with our children she had made with me, she offered me a treatment to ease her guilty conscience and calm my temper. I can be quite rigid for all of my fluidity, and during that time of my life I was equally ‘very busy‘ and her not showing up felt an inefficiency in my overly scheduled precisely functioning life. Two, too busy people can collide sometimes. It is the pressure, then boom! Thankfully this neighbor of mine is ever so lovely and we both apologised, and hugged and made up. Anyway, the best part of this was that I finally went and had a session with her. I had been meaning to, and sometimes well, sometimes we can create these little dramas in life to get to where we need to be.

There on her table I lay, fully clothed, relaxing. I recall it was May, and I had some allergies and the allergies were reason enough to have the treatment, but, and this is the thing I have found with myself, I have always been so spiritually open to receive that as soon as I have any sort of body work done, my spirit wants to express, and out tumble the words. Talk, talk, talk. I do not think my neighbor had ever worked on someone quite like me who spoke aloud every single tiny feeling in the body, and what it represents. She told me after it was all done that it was a treat to work with me. Really, she thanked ME! That is where it is at, when everyone receives from giving.

Let me explain some more. It was one of those times when you would say that wonderful new age cliché, “I lot of things were coming up.” Now these were not just everyday emotional feelings this is deeper work than that. The body was giving me physical sensations, and then I could see my memories and I gained an instant understanding of why my organs were responding the way they were, based on some past experience. Oh, it is a lot to explain, it is called a somatoemotional release. So as I lay there, my friendly neighbor was doing her work, and I could feel the past memories rising up out of my organs. Some very specific pressure points were activated. Afterwards I could sense one of my ovaries, like it was breathing deeper again – it had been stagnant, and then I felt the Qi. It was then that I knew one ovary in particular had a blocked but I had just ignored it. I felt that ovary struggling in my teenage years but I did not know to pay attention. I could also feel my heart. I could feel my liver and spleen.

Now simultaneous of me being able to feel my body’s reaction to the Cranial Sacral technique, my therapist could feel it too, with her fingers. Once she understood how deeply I could connect my memories to my body she began to give me prompts. The body has reflexes. The body has vibrations. And she could feel where things were happening, and began to explore her role as facilitator, channeling a deeper experience as a healer too. Being able to release the things that get stored in organs is very important, and she knows this, she sees people every day who have aliments, but for whatever reason not everyone is willing or able to tap into the memories that created them.

Firstly, I am going to talk about the door, because that is what inspired all of this. As I was laying there, and the session was well and truly under way, I reached a metaphysical plane, where I was able to visualize, what was happening physically and to express what my soul was trying to do. We all have an overriding soul calling, and with motherhood opening up my connection to creation and more time available, the urge for my soul to speak was strong. Physically I needed very little fine tuning, I was overall well and healthy, so my soul was free to express a higher calling that would allow me to then serve the greater good. I just had to figure out what that was? With that question predominantly in my subconscious, body work released the clues.

“I can see a door.” I said to Shy. I am going to call my friend, neighbor, therapist, Shy, because she is too Shy to have her real name here. “I can see a door, it is floating, it is a golden archway.” Shy was listening and I could feel her excitement because a lot of her clients go in for running injuries. I was a novel client you know, being so openly esoteric and willingly tapped into creation.

“I want to go through the door.” I said in a monotone voice. “But I do not need to, I am already there.”

They were such simple words, basic words, but so incredibly profound, purely because it was random, bizarre, and did not make sense that having a treatment for my allergies would have me laying on a table saying this! Of course it did make sense too. Don’t we all want to walk through the golden door? Shy began to ask me questions. “What is on the other side of the door?” I could see the door so clearly in my mind’s eye. “Nothing.” I said. “It is just the door of representation, of freedom. That is there, any time to walk through.”

At this point, you all need to know what I was seeing was not a wooden door, not a solid door, it was an arch, suspended in space. A golden arch with a blue background. Sort of celestial, but also grounded.

There is no more to this that I can explain. It is just there, and you are there with it and once you are there, you understand and you just have to keep accepting, that one day you will feel on the other side of it, like you have crossed through.

Oh, it really is a mixture of the most complicated and simple things that makes up life. It feels like you are not there at all. When I was telling myself this, when I was laying on the massage table in the lovely office, on the perfect street, in the beautiful town, I did not even know what it meant myself! I was just trying to be the best me, and it somehow involved a vision of a golden door.

I still do not entirely know what it meant but after a few more months of trying, trying to feel like I was through that door. I seemed to get there.

So now, the deeper work, so you really know what all of this is about I must share more.

Hi Mum
I once had some therapy, cranial sacral therapy, and I LOVE it, it is so good. I was thinking of one of the session this morning. This was over a year ago, but I am only just sitting to write about it now. I am pretty far out when  I have body work done, there is no holding back my soul, I just talk it all out. So, on this day I was having therapy with my friend/neighbor/cranial sacral therapist, who I trust deeply and my ovaries were holding an old memory and it was released.
What surfaced for me, which is hard to grasp, and explain, was that I had a vision of young me, I was very young, I really do not know the age. I was at a lake, I think Lake Anisworth at Lennox and I was swimming and there was a man with us, playing with me in the water – which I am going to assume was a friend of yours – and he was giving me too much attention. Playing with me too much. Not in an overly weird way that would cross an external line for society, but there was some kind of internal energy there, and you were not comfortable with him giving me attention, and I received some kind of primal dose of something. It was not that you were jealous, it was just that his attention should have been on you. I don’t know that jealousy is even the right word, it is more that something was not as it should be. Whatever it was, it was some kind of archaic feminine pattern that seemed to injure me in some way and cause a block.
It must have been very hard for you to over look and manage how those you were having physical relationships with interacted with your children. I can not even imagine how I would deal with it if I felt someone I was dating was giving one of my daughters attention in a way that made me uncomfortable. What does it feel like to recognize that the person you are dating (or married to) is drawn to your daughter? No need to answer that, but I would not be surprised if that confusion is buried in your subconscious and stored in your organs too?
Could any of this be true? I know it is so odd, and it does not really even matter if it is true to you, it was just a memory recall that flashed back, out of my ovary. My ovary was storing it, and when my therapist worked on my body, it was released, and I spoke the whole incident out. It could also be a muddle of all sorts of incidences that my id painted into a more succinct snippet so I could understand.
I know you had a lot of boyfriends – which is totally fine and good, you were a gorgeous women! I had a lot of boyfriends too! I seem to think one – that I recall from when I was older, that guy with the Limousine, gave me too much attention. Well anyway…
The flashback we very detailed, I could even see the swimmers I was wearing. So wild how the body and soul works.
None of this need upset you in relationship to Mothering me, you know how happy and healthy and grateful I am, because I do my work like this! Isn’t it amazing to think what memories are stored in our organs. I do hope you look at it like that and do not start worrying about what is stored in your organs. I know that could be a scary thought. The thing is though, I can not guarantee you could even find out. I received what I did because I am me, and my healer was she, and it was how we two released and received together.

Maybe just by me sharing my awareness yours will be opened too. And poof, up into the atmosphere it goes, burning off into the light.

Lots of love,


Expanding and contracting is part of the Qi, and it took me a while to work out what that meant. The give and take. The release and receive. The up and down the inside and out. The you and me. As soon as I figured myself out, as soon as I came into myself, I new I would materialize in a greater way. It is not some strange thing to imagine. I am reaching out and touching life because I think life matters. We all matter. As I sit in this moment I feel so real, the very best me I have known. I wonder, will tomorrow I dislike the me I was today or have some fear rise again? Well why would I, I know how to forgive. I woke up wanting to help others, and that is exactly what I did, and I helped myself doing it.


Thank you for reading Magnesium Blue

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