Hate Mail

Wednesday, 27th of April 2016

It is a brilliant time that we live in, this day and age of social media and extended virtual connection. We have so much more access to one another, which I see as a good thing. There is however an element for people that seems to be challenging, and yesterday I had to sit with that.

Below is an email I received, which I consider hate mail. I know there are certainly worse versions of hate mail in the world, but I think this falls into that category? You can read it and deicide for yourself. I am always grateful for insight, and opportunity to expand my mind, and this did exactly that. It made me realize how differently we all see things, and no matter what my intent is when I share, some people will not feel aligned with what I set out to do. I think that is ok, and there is beauty in knowing that we are all different. We all see the world in our own way and this email opened my heart to that. We are all unique with our own perspectives. I did however feel sadness for those getting caught up in destructive thought patterns, and since it is my way to find peace, I tried to make the best of it and set out to share, so that maybe it is some help to the collective.

The Letter went as follows, it reads like a blog post that was then cut and pasted to me:

When I read the letter she wrote to Courtney Adamo, my first thought was this is clearly a woman is losing it.  It was bizarre. It also reminded me, how competitive these women are on IG. So much of their identity is based on headpats from strangers and interests from brands.  What they are peddling may look authentic and organic, it’s still manufactured to induce envy.  It’s all about “look at me, look at me, look at me”.
What seems even more bizarre is that these women aren’t friends in REAL life.  How much time do they spend together in REAL life?  They probably don’t share much of themselves except for perfectly curated images on IG.  These are two very ambitious and driven women, they both seem to SWF each other.  It seems like CA has adopted KR style and ethos, but clearly has the the financial means to pull it off.  I found the Kirsten’s letter to be sad and depressing because clearly she is jealous of CA financial resources.  The letter is also Kirsten pissing on her territory and letting CA know that she is not the REAL Byron Bay.  I read it like she was a dog pissing on her territory.  I don’t think she and Courtney have any shared experiences in REAL life.  The whole friendship seems based on being competitive on IG.
I feel sorry for Kirsten’s husband, he is obviously feeling pressure to be solely responsible to provide for the family so she can be the “perfect” mother that fulfills her Kinfolk inspired version of motherhood.  Because the end goal is to do is a TED talk about motherhood.

This letter made me feel empathetic. It made me want to do something, to help people to be the best they can be. After reading it I was faced with someone’s truth, “This person wants to see Courtney and I at war with one another, this person wants to see us as competitors.” How strange I thought. “This person wants me to be jealous and think I am a failure!”

This is actually not the first time people have compared Courtney and I. As I sat reflecting on it, another occasion surfaced where people wanted to manufacture some kind of negative comparison between us. Not quite to this extent, and not sent to me personally, but it has come up before. I wonder why?

It is an interesting world we have created, with this hybrid anonymity and familiarity. I always feel free to be me and I don’t feel judged in a detrimental way, but at the same time, I want people to be living in a mind that is loving and visible. As above, so below, as they say. I like to share, and part of being out there means that people feel they can have an opinion. I am ok with people’s opinion, but one must remember, an opinion will always be a reflection of the path one walks and the thoughts one thinks and the emotions one feels.

I let this email sink into my heart so that good could come of it. It makes me feel empowered to help break down these private walls, and just throw it out there and say, “Hey sisters, have courage, don’t self harm!”

Thoughts are potent, and it is really important that when you are looking at your social media feeds, at the lives of others that your mind feels content, if not, it is a sign to step back, take a walk in the garden, go to a place where the mind can feel clear. Do art, dance, transform it into something valuable. Nurture and love yourself back into a place of peace. It is so important to communicate from a solid healthy whole core. We all have experienced the hydras (jealousy, possessiveness, greed, selfishness, envy etc) but the key is not to keep feeding them, because if you do, life becomes rotten. When the hydras raise their heads, you feel it, and then you have to heal it. And that is what my letter to Courtney was about. I was able to feel that longing rise in me, and instead of burying it and letting it become envy. I was able share my truth with my friend, that I missed the place she was at, and then since she is who she is, she honored my longing and she was a vehicle for me to share my memories and connection. Courtney felt where I was coming from and she wrote back and said, “Let’s buy land together and build a community and live happily ever after!” Which is not going to happen, but it was a beautiful show of friendship.

In greek mythology, each time Hercules cut off one of the heads of the hydra and buried them, two more would grow in its place. It was not until the necks were cauterised by Lolous that the beast died. You must not snip and bury these feelings of envy or jealousy when they arise. It takes more than that, you have to hold harmful feelings to the light so they will burn away. Honor your self and turn it to gold. Your feelings are there for a reason, to guide you, but you have to harness the right energy. It is mailable. You can be like a magician, boom, what was once negative, is now positive! You just have to know the ways…

I once had a friend in my early 20’s, that was super positive and her world shone because of it. This was at a time in life when I was not so happy. One day I said to her, ‘What do you do when you feel jealous or envious?” and she said to me, “I look closely at what it is that I am feeling jealous about, and then I honor that feeling of need in myself.” I wanted more explanation from her, and so she said, “Say if I was jealous of a friend who travelled, I would tell myself, travel is important to me. It is the positive way to bring it into your life then. Saying travel is important to me, is so much better for your soul than saying. I hate that my friend travels. If you keep hearing yourself say you want to travel over and over, and you start saying it out loud, then it is bound to happen if you want it enough.” It was such an important lesson to learn, and when I have felt my heart-strings pull at times for a life I do not have, my inner voice learned to say, “I admire that reality. That is important to me too!” If the thing you are jealous of is not ever possible for you, then you say, “I made other choices, or I walk another path.” We all have choices.

When I shared my letter to Courtney, I was honoring that feeling in my soul, that I missed my home to a point of desperation, but because I know better than to bury that and let it fester, I turned it into a story. What could have been envy became a letter sharing my life, celebrating my past. I was able to share my truth as a redemption to avoid being stuck in a mind of murky thoughts, and what happened is that it brought Courtney and I closer. I was able to share my love and passion for a place precious to me. Courtney admired my sharing, she honored my past, and felt how the far north coast runs through my veins. We felt more like friends because of my willingness to be real, to meet myself where I was at with no qualms. Which was not envious, it was empowerment.

We are all free to put our energy out into the word, good or bad, positive or negative. If someone sends me hate mail, I will make good of it, but my soul will always worry for those that are suffering. At the end of the day, I am living my life the best I can, and it is a good life, and I want everyone to feel that about their life, but I can not make it happen for them. On the soul plane there is nothing to be envious about, and if you sit in that space enough, it all falls away. It is a responsiblity being physically present, and the hate mail itself is not so much the problem as what was behind the letter. An impulse bubbling away like a poisonous cauldron in someone’s mind. What was this letter really saying I wonder?

There are times in my life when I have had very little, and I have learnt that people who are envious, will always find something to be envious of. I found myself saying, “Whatever it is you hurt so much for, have it, it is yours, take it from me.” I just want people to be happy in themselves.

Further notes because I am funny:

I do like attention. Didn’t all my newspaper clippings prove that? Well, on a more serious note, the good part is that I don’t try to get attention exploiting my body. I honor a desire in myself to shine at whatever I am trying my best to do – rather than keeping it hidden like some shameful secret. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alive and good at what you do. I have met women that want to live larger, but they can not admit it, and if you can not admit out loud to those you love, and those who love you the reality you want to create, then it will never happen. Sometimes you have to be brave to accept your truth. “Hello, I am Kirsten Rickert, I want to be a good mother.” There, I said it.

I think instead of being a dog pissing on my territory, can I be a panda that rubs it’s bottom glands on a tree while doing a yoga pose? Did you know that is what pandas do? They turn themselves upside down and whoever rubs their scent highest up the tree wins. Yeh! Now that’s my kind of competition! I going to do bakasna up the lamp posts all over Byron to prove that it is mine, all mine.

If Courtney adopts my style that is super. The world needs more hairy legged, hairy armpit women. In fact last night I had a dream and I was sitting in a women’s circle and I was showing everyone how hairy I was. I was super proud of it, it was my symbol of self love. Oh and here is the best bit, you do not need money to pull that off. Just courage.

I think by the time the Adamo’s word travels are over, Cam and I will have more money. Ha! Just kidding. We are already gazillionairs.

What does the SWF reference mean? Cam said it means Small Web Format? Or Shock Wave Flash. Hmmm…. what about I just make some more acronyms  up… Say Wise Fables, Sit With Friends, Share Wholesome Fun… well anyway, Yes to all of that!

My letter is sad and depressing. I know everyone wants me to have my dream car already! I should have that MGB now by gosh. I honestly thought I would have it by 40, and that is 2 weeks away, darn unfulfilled dreams. Quick, I need that car so I can live happily ever after.

My identity is not based on head pats from strangers and brands, my identity is based on a super hero named FF>> that I invented in Alaska and I still have not told everyone about. Clearly, that is long overdue. If people were worried about me being bizarre, oh just wait! The party has not even started yet! Let me know, do you think this letter was from a Friend or Foe? I suppose it was inevitable, a super hero always has enemies, ah, I get it now!

Look, Cam is awesome and I love him so much. I cook him great meals, and I listen to him share his feelings, I am the brunt of a lot of his jokes, which I laugh at, and we have sex. I love my wife life. Did you know I was once an erotic dancer? Kidding. I worked as a hotel cleaner and dish washer. But one of my best friends was a dancer and I loved her moves.

I decided not to share this hate mail with Courtney because I did not want her fun time in Japan ruined. Japan is such a special place. I liked to think of her there, free from the clutches of disgraceful social media behavior. “I will protect you Courtney!” See, that is my inner super hero again… Courtney and I will undoubtably be Friends Forever.

Sadly this type of energy is immature, but it does give me a chance to dig out that sarcastic part of myself I have actively chosen (for the most part) to put to rest and it reminded me that the best way to deal with stuff like this is love… more love, even for those who do not love back.

Thank you for reading Magnesium Blue

10 thoughts on “Hate Mail

  1. I love you. Thankyou for sharing yourself the way you do, it is truly a breath of pure, fresh air.

  2. Way to go, turning that hate mail into something thoughtful, insightful and funny! I truly admire your way of handling criticism, with grace and humor, but without getting nasty back at the hater. How do you do that!? I find it so easy to just slip into self criticism and doubt whenever someone criticize me or what I do! Thanks – as always – for sharing. Feeling inspired!

  3. It is funny how everyone sees things differently. When I read the Letter to Courtney, I kept thinking to myself, this is so good, one of the best things I’ve read in a long time! I admire your gift to be able to express your feelings in such a beautiful way and your willingness to being vulnerable and transparent, and I want to THANK YOU for that.

    I like what you said: ”Thoughts are potent, and it is really important that when you are looking at your social media feeds, at the lives of others that your mind feels content,…” I keep hearing how social media is this and that and how is making us all… But the funny thing is that I only see social media as a very positive thing in my life and I think that’s the trick, feeling content and be inspired by others.

    Thank you again for sharing, it is very inspiring to see the way you process the good, the bad and the ugly. This world needs more Kirstens! 😉 Sending love to you….

  4. Kirsten, I like reading your posts because I feel you are very genuine, you have an interesting way of looking at things, your life and motherhood choices are very different to mine, but I feel that I get what you are on about. One of the reasons I think you are genuine is because you put stuff up that is similar to thoughts that I have had, but they are just a bit out there, kooky, sometimes cringeworthy, and are in no way formulaic. I like that, genuine, even if it causes comments like the above that you shared.

  5. More love, even for those who do not love back. I really like that.

    Your words are wise, as always, and I’m really thankful you share them. Let’s choose love.

  6. Oh my! I’m “pissing” myself laughing!! Oh Kirsten, your honesty and perspective is so totally, well, honest!
    Lets all be Pandas and see how high we can get!!

    And lets all enjoy sex with our husbands!

    I am jealous of all those beautiful daffodil and flower fields you get to wander through….Byron Bay doesn’t have those 😉


  7. SWF is single white female. A reference to the movie where one woman covets/copies the others life.

  8. Yes, thank you Alannah.. I did know that 🙂 I have to be careful of sounding smarter than I am. The point is that it was an invaluable acronym, and that while it holds a place in the cannon of this current age, I wanted people to question is it really something we all want in our psyche? I purposely adopted that position with intent to devalue it as a given association. Single White Female, great words on their own, but together… let’s think about using that in the future people.

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