When you are walking through life and you know that life as you know it is going to end, you take on a greater sense of awareness. An intensity develops that allows you to take it all in, letting it seep into your being through all the faculties. Right now I am through and through Brooklyn, living this life in all its glory and grime. The sounds the smells, the sights, the feeling of this rich diverse place. Some aspects I will be glad to say goodbye to, but others, I will miss. A lot of which you can not possibly fully realise until they are gone.
Today the Girls and I walked to Prospect Park, a place a lot of our outdoor time has centered around since moving to Brooklyn. As I looked over the landscape with goodbye eyes, I started seeing so much that has brought me happiness while living here. Small simple things; an old tree, the swans, the green of the grass, the notable entry ways to the park. I love how the park changes with the seasons – or each time you visit, it makes it seem so alive. Many of these things were first appealing to me as they were so different to what I had grown up with, and now they are appealing to me because they are familiar.
I have ambiguous feelings about moving. It is a unique feeling that happens when you are leaving a place you like. I feel so much yet at the same time I am numb. I am sad about moving, and I am giddy excited too. I know I will miss Brooklyn, and I know it will be wonderful to be in our own house. Between these alternating feelings I seem to have reached a very peaceful plateau where I am just drifting along. I am happy here, and I shall be happy there, and I shall enjoy the journey. From moving so frequently, I know the things I find joy in will eventually be replaced, and by letting go of them it makes space to find happiness in new things. I also know that when we arrive at our new destination, the key is to not to judge, and not to compare, to have patience, and just be. I think that by knowing this I have found an inner peace about moving. Not stressed, not worried, just doing it. It is like sitting for an exam, the date is set, we will do what needs to be done, and then it will be over. In 8 nights the next chapter of our lives begins. We will be letting go of this reality, and we can find contentment in knowing that we will always have these amazing memories of our time in Brooklyn. The memories we can hold on to.